Joy and Tears

I debated about weather or not to post this topic today. There is someone out there who will be particularly touched and I tried to decide how I would feel reading this and feeling a particular way before even reading it. Whew! Did I just make any sense? I'm not entirely sure if I did! lol However, I'm sure that you out there who know me will actually understand what I just tried to convey! I pity you all :) Anyway, I have obviously decided to blog on this topic because it truly is heavy on my heart today.

Last week when Delaynee got her birthday package from Nana et al, Kylee was expecting a card to come at the same time. She was very sad that the card was not in the box. It turns out that Nana sent Kylee's card seperately so that she could open up her very own mail. (Nana rocks!) So, Kylee very patiently waited for her card from Nana to arrive.

And, arrive it did! I was the proud deliverer of that little envelope yesterday after school. It was waiting, in Kylee's seat, when I picked her up from school. (Now who rocks?) She was so cute, because even after I told her to watch out under her tushy, she still sat on it! Then she looked at it and inquired, "What IS it?" to which I replied (trying not to chuckle), "just look at it a second." From the little excited inhalation of breath, I knew she had figured it out. Then the ripping of the envelope began. Nana sent her a little troll that had formerly been an earring that Kylee had at some point attached a hair clip to (or something like that). Naturally, that was exciting and along with it came great speculation on Kylee's part. Clearly, she didn't remember this troll! Then I looked in the rearview, and noticed she was looking a little less than happy. I took me a second to figure out the look. Duh, Mom! Happy as she is to have received this little bit of heaven from her beloved Nana, she is also heart broken that she is having to receive these little bits of heaven from Nana via mail.

Now, here is where the guilt kicks in for me. I have always been acutely aware of the bond shared by Kylee and Nana, no one can deny its existence. And it's not just your run-of-the-mill child loves grandparent sort of bond. These two understand one another in a way I will honestly never get. I am so glad that Kylee has that. But, I figured, even though Kylee would miss Nana, surely by this time, the loss would seem less acute. I think I was wrong. And to what detriment to this beautiful relationship? If we were to move home during the girls' childhood, would Kylee and Nana still share that same bond or will that relationship be forever and profoundly changed? Did I miscalculate the enormous effect this would have on my oldest daughter?

I am feeling a bit lost on this subject and I'm wondering how to talk through this all with my little Kylee. She is so tender and has such a sweet heart. How do I make this transition easier for her to process? Is she still just adapting to life without seeing Nana weekly? Or is there something more going on that really needs to be addressed?