Monday, January 5, 2009

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig

Yes, it's true. We are returning to home, sweet home. Montana. Freezing cold, snowier than in many years past, Montana. As it turns out, my uncle - who is flying down just to drive back with the girls and I - has to be back in Montana on January 27. For those of you whose bell doesn't ring when hearing that date, it is my birthday. I can think of no better way to spend it than at HOME!

Now, don't get me wrong. I have been drawn towards Florida since my first trip here almost 4 years ago. Since that very first time, it has also felt like home to me. It is so hard to love two places so much but only be able to live in one at a time! And though these 5 months in Florida have been filled with almost nothing but struggle, heartache, and many times a sense of being lost, I wouldn't have traded them for the WORLD. I still love it here and the knowledge that I am leaving is VERY bittersweet.

Here in Florida I have been able to nurture a friendship that means the world to me. My sister-in-law, "T", and I had pretty much an instant connection when we first met 3.5 years ago. We have continued to grow closer in spite of the 2300 miles that separated us. But being this close and spending every day with her has been a blessing that I cannot even begin to express. I will miss her more than anything else. (Well, except maybe the T is like a sister to me.

Of course, I will also miss my brother, M. Even with all of his rough, and I mean VERY rough, edges, he is absolutely wonderful. My girls think he hung the moon and stars and he never fails to be able to get them to smile or laugh even when they are most determined not to.

I have been struggling to figure out exactly what lessons I am to hold onto from this time in my life. I've been told that there have been changes in me and while that's great, I don't see them or even know what they are. Apparently they are positive changes, so I am thankful for that. However, as I am writing this post today, I am wondering if part of this journey was just God giving me one of the desires of my heart - the chance to live in and experience Florida. And, now that my "free" time is almost up, it is time to return home, finish school and prepare for whatever He has in store for us next. I have to be honest, I'm kind of excited (for the first time in my life) to NOT know what is around the next corner. For a control freak, that's a pretty big step! The best part though, is that I am free from fear in just letting God take over and lead the girls and I where He would have us go. One of the lessons I have learned these past few months I guess!

So, while I know that there will be those who will view this time of many, many, many changes in a very negative light and will question my "rightness" in "doing this" to my children, I also know that I can hold my head up high because I am a daughter of the Most High God and am following His will for my life. Apparently, it's just not always supposed to make sense to we silly little humans!

I also want to say thank you to all of you who have been praying for us through all of this. Certainly, it is those prayers that have seen us through. Please continue to pray as we plan a trip across the country in the MIDDLE OF THE WINTER! And for my sanity as I do one of the things that I like the least...packing!


DeenaL said...

I'm so excited to have you girls come home! I can't believe it's only 16 days till you head back. We are all praying for safe travels, good weather, cheap gas, great motels (with pools!), and a fast return. I love you all and can't wait to see you!

Mindy said...

Oh yea oh yea oh yea!!

(You can't see me but I'm jumping up and down with excitement. And since you can't see me I'll let you know that my buooobs are bouncing and jouncing like crazy!! and yes I'm wearing a bra...)

I can't wait to you and the girlies are HOME! I'm so excited for you!

I totally understand about the excitement of not knowing what is coming next. People are always asking us what are plans are and when I answer "We don't know." they get such a pained look on their face. And inside I'm grinning like a fool because it's just so EXCITING!!! I just don't know how to talk to people about it...

But after reading The Shack, I do know that I will be honest! That will probably one of the hardest things for me as I LIVE through little white lies =) As anyone that knows and LOVES me will say ;) Right Cuz!?

Love you girls and of course you will be in my heart and mind on your trip back!!

Are you going to be living in the big B or the little B????

XOXOX Love, Me =)

Loriann said...

I am so happy for you. What a blessing to know what God is doing for you. We will be praying for a safe and wonderful trip for you all. Please keep me posted, I haven't known you long, but I am so blessed that God brought our paths together.... I am also getting the Shack so I can read it soon!!
Much Love and prayer's,
Lori and girls