JustWe3

Prayers and Praises

2009-03-30T11:32:00.002-04:00

Clearly, my job is giving me much opportunity for improving my prayer life! And also for recognizing God's hand in circumstance...

The patient that I blogged about last time was sent home Saturday. After two days off from work, I wasn't sure what/who I would find in "her" room. She was still there and she looked remarkable. There had been a great deal of healing to her burns and her color was great! Her eyes were bright and clear and she was much more alert and aware of what was going on around her. What a miracle! However, without another miracle, her story will not have a happy ending (at least not here on Earth). She has gone home with hospice in place and I imagine will be worshiping Jesus face to face in the next month or two. Her cancer is very advanced. I am just thrilled that she knows Jesus!

Another patient of ours came in with exacerbated COPD. She requested a breathing treatment, it was ordered and within a half hour of finishing the treatment, she was placed in ICU. Even during the treatment, she couldn't breathe. Upon returning from my "weekend" I recognized a name on the patient list and it suddenly donned on me...It was the same patient that had been on the floor the previous week. It was clear that she was on the floor only for "comfort care". She was passing away. I asked the nurse about the situation, wanting to be fully aware so I didn't make some hurtful blunder in front of her gathered family. She told me that the mask she was breathing through was all that was keeping her alive at that point and that her family had made the decision to remove it the following day. She passed away yesterday. It was very touching to me. She was such a quiet and gentle woman and I was saddened to realize just how sick she really was. Her family is equally kind and my prayers and heart go out to them at this time. I believe, by there actions, that they too know the Lord.

There are of course, the success stories. The young man who was in because of, as he put it, "genetically bad blood" who has been released and will likely continue to do well; The little lady who had a partial hip replacement after falling and will make a full recovery with some therapy; the woman who was in so ill with a kidney infection that she was in ICU and with us on the floor for over a week who has been sent home with a resolution to her health problems. Though these people may or may not know the Lord, I still see His hand at work in their lives. He is so good!

Thanks for "listening" to my thoughts...Heather

Opportunities

2009-03-28T16:09:00.002-04:00

Hello all! I realize that it has been over 3 weeks since I last blogged! So much has been going on lately and I have just been exhausted.

I am really excited about my job as a CNA at St. Jame's Hospital here in Butte. I finished with orientation and actually got started working two weeks ago...hence the exhaustion! I am working the 3-11:30 shift and while it works out well with Kylee's school, it has been quite an adjustment. The daycare that the girls are attending has literally been a Godsend. He knew what I would need before I even did and opened the way. Normally she would close at 11 and most of her kiddos would be gone by 11:15 but she agreed to stay open until 11:30 just to work around my schedule. How cool is that?!

My job is going to be a great place to minister to people. I fear that I lack the courage and strength to be Christ-like, though. Although, the other night I was very blessed to be sitting with a patient who is very ill. She is basically dying and knows it but doesn't talk about it. Of course, it is difficult for her to speak because of her illness. But, as we were talking and I was holding her hand just to comfort her she told me she was afraid to fall asleep. She didn't say more than that but in her eyes I saw the fear of death. It was so powerful. I felt God pressing me to ask her if she knew Jesus. He told me 3 or 4 times before I mustered the courage to do so. I knew the last time I heard that voice that if I didn't do it then that He would quit asking and wait for a later time and I was more afraid of giving in to cowardice than of asking her. I asked her if she knew Jesus and her wonderful response was "I love Jesus." My heart soared! I then talked with her a little about how in Jesus there is no need to fear death because it is not an end, but a new beginning. Then she asked me why we should want to die. Wow! That was hard. I told her that I didn't think that we should WANT to die but neither should we fear death. It was a pretty neat time and my heart broke for her in her pain, solitude and fear. If you would all pray for her to be released from her fear and to be given a great peace I would appreciate it.

God has been so good to me lately. Well, always, but I am seeing amazing things happening in my life that can be from nowhere but God. I am so grateful that HE is in charge of my life and not ME!

Love to all~
JustWe3

Wednesday's Walk Down Memory Lane

2009-03-04T11:43:00.002-05:00

Some Wednesday's I really struggle to think of a memory worth sharing. Today was no different. But, suddenly as I began today's blog, a memory popped into my head. Now, I will tell you that many parts of this memory are constructed from the memories of others, though I do have some very vivid rememberances of this event.

When I was quite young my cousin, Mindy, lived on a mountainside in beautiful Bear Canyon, MT. I mean, she didn't just live out in the forest foraging for food...Her dad was building a house there and during this process they were living in a motor home. Mindy's grandparents also lived on "The Mountain" so we were there frequently as well. Now, Mindy and I grew up almost more like sisters than cousins. We were always very close (and still are!).

When they were living on The Mountain, Mindy and I had all sorts of adventures. Sometimes, though we would just hang around the trailer. This one day in particular, we were in her Dad's little Nissan pickup truck listening to music. It had a standard transmission in it and was safely in gear, parked in front of their shed. Mindy was sitting in the driver's seat (as usual, she ALWAYS got the best spot!) and I in the passenger seat. I must have been 6 or 7 and Mindy 7 or 8. Now, I'm not entirely sure if we were actually allowed to be sitting in there and turning the ignition to listen to the radio or not. The fact is, we were there and having a great time. What I remember is that I thought the radio was off, so I was going to turn the key and turn it back on. I turned the key just one little click further than I should have and the truck lurched and nearly rolled down the mountain! It ran into the barbecue grill which surprising ly stopped it. Talk about an adrenaline rush!!! We were scared to death. My little heart was just pounding!

Of course, the story doesn't end there. I was in HUGE trouble. What I remember is being given a very firm tongue lashing by Mindy's Mom and then getting my butt paddled with the wooden spoon. (Ah the good ol' days when children could be spanked without their parent's fearing retribution!) Mindy got spanked too, just for letting me turn the key. Or, maybe we WEREN'T supposed to be in the truck after all... To this day, I'm sure that she didn't get nearly the spanking I did...I don't think I could sit for a month!

Looking back now, what a miracle! We could have been so badly hurt especially with the pickup pointing down hill! And seriously, there is no logical reason that a barbecue grill should stop a pickup, no matter how small!

Closure

2009-03-02T11:51:00.003-05:00

After what has been several long weekends of sorting through the memories of my Gramms' life, we are nearly finished.

The girls and I have been sleeping at Gramms' house when we go over to help Mom and this weekend it seemed so strange. Mom, Aunt Cheri and I have been sorting through things for weeks now and finally we are ready for the sale. The house is set up so that everything is neatly displayed and there are prices on many items.

It is so strange to see the life of this very vibrant woman reduced to this. It feels very surreal. I never realized what all was involved in the aftermath of the death of a loved one. So much remains to be taken care of. There are items in that house that speak of a woman that I scarcely knew.

I have always known that my Gramms was a dancer and a teacher of dance. What I didn't know was the dedication and time that went into the preparation of the programs she put on with her students. Gramms would write the music out, by hand, after figuring it out by ear on the piano. She had notes and notes about each section of the program. She was so creative. I just never knew.

In her spare bedroom, she had a drawer full of beads. Obviously there was a time in her life where she spent a great deal of time beading and making gifts for people. There are many other craft items that were in that same dresser and it is so amazing to see all the things she used to do. I remember that she used to crochet, but that's really all that I remember her doing in a "crafty" fashion.

As we sort through her many possessions, a plethora of treasures have also emerged. She has a house filled with antiques that are very inconspicuous. Mom has spent countless hours researching these things online. We have been very surprised at the gems she has discovered!

Without a doubt, it has been a blessing to be a part of this process with Mom and Aunt Cheri. Without Cheri (Gramms sister) so much history would have been lost simply because we did not know the stories behind a great deal in the house. So many of the items we have come across carry with them very fond and lasting memories. I guess that is what makes seeing her life priced for sale so difficult. My memories of my heroine on display being sold to complete strangers.

Next weekend will be a very difficult weekend for all of us. Emotions will be churning just below the surface as we conduct business. At the same time, it will bring with it some closure to the death of one so deeply loved. I just ask that as you go about your business next weekend, you will remember us for just a brief moment and send up a prayer for strength and courage as we take another step in saying goodbye to Frankie Lou.

Wednesday's Walk Down Memory Lane

2009-02-25T21:38:00.002-05:00

When I was a kid we always had pets. Usually a cat and a dog at the least. When I turned 11 I got my first horse and I have had them up until a couple of years ago and my Mom still has two. She still has 1 cat but has upped the ante with 4 dogs. I have just the one dog, Roxy.

One of my favorite childhood pets was Zeke. I remember being at my cousin, Mindy's, house when my Mom showed up with this little tiny ball of black and white kitten. She and her friend, Janis, had been out and about, stopped at a pet store and could not resist his wiley ways. Mindy and I had the most fun that day playing with that kitten out in the grass. He was so little, the well groomed lawn was as tall as he was! Somehow, I came up with the name Zeke and it stuck.

Now, kittens are wild, but this guy was even more so than the average kitty. And to make matters worse, I tormented him - holding him when he wanted down, playing rough with him, etc. Don't worry...he got me back! I still have scars from when he would "catch" my hand. I used to sit on the living room floor and run my hand back and forth and he would chase it for as long as I was game. When he "caught" me, he was determined to kill me - or at least my hand!

During this time I had a German Shepherd puppy named Meggie. She was big and gangly and just loved to play. Naturally, we were concerned that she would hurt Zeke, but there was no need to fear. He could really hold his own! Meggie would lay on the floor with Zeke on his back between her front paws and his front paws wrapped around her muzzle. Her tail would just wag and wag. My favorite was when Meggie would bite his teeny tiny little head and he would just lay there. I use the word "bite" loosely too, because he could have backed out of her mouth at any time but often would just happily lay there with his head in her mouth! I blame it on the table legs he repeatedly ran into.

Speaking of Zeke and table legs...My Mom had one of those not so sturdy three legged tables covered in a floor length table cloth. Mom has been collecting swans for as long as I can remember and has many that are antique. Well, Zeke loved the thrill of an ambush and under this particular table was one of his favorite hiding spots. He would lie under there and wait 'til someone would walk past the table and then POUNCE! Sometimes his aim was dead on and you wanted to sling him across the room (he did nothing gently and always had his claws out!). Other times, he completely missed. Many of the times when he would miss it was because he would leave his white tipped front paws sticking out from his "hiding" place. It's pretty hard to be ambushed when you can see your attacker from a mile away! One night, though, Zeke not only missed Mom on her way by, but instead knocked head long into one of the table legs. That flimsy table couldn't stand up against his 20+ pounds and it tipped over, sending one of Mom's antique swans flying for the brick around the fireplace. You should have heard her yell at him! I sat on the couch laughing hysterically. Luckily, both cat and swan survived the "attack"!

In spite of all the "torture" I put Zeke through, he was undeniably MY cat. Why he picked me, God only knows, but he did. In the summer he would be gone for days at a time hunting gophers and then he would come home, hang out inside for half a day and be gone again. During high school, I went up north to train horses. The first 2 summers I only spent 2 weeks up there. He forgave me for that. The following summer, I was gone for the whole season. When I came home for a couple of days to visit, Zeke was nowhere. I figured he was hunting and would be home the next day. He would often wait a day to come home when called during a hunt. Well, two more days went by and I didn't see even a hint of Zeke and it was time for me to go back to work. I was sure he was ticked off that I had left him for so long and I felt badly that I didn't get to see him. When I came home at the end of the summer, I went to the back door and called him. I didn't expect to see him until at least the next day. Fifteen minutes later, he was at the back door begging to come in! See, I'm pretty sure that he thought I left him again because he didn't come home when I called him.

Animals come and go from our lives. They all leave a mark, but some leave an impression and Zeke was definitely one of them!

Happy Birthday Dear Kylee...

2009-02-24T10:36:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Kyleeeeeeeee
Happy Birthday to you!

Yes, that's right. There is a birthday in the house today. My sweet Kylee turns 8 years old today!

I'm always amazed at the number of years that have passed since that crazy day 8 years ago when the doctor told me that we would have to deliver my baby 3 months early. I thought he was nuts! I just didn't feel well, Kylee was fine...silly doctor!

It was about this time that day (8:30), which happened to be a Saturday, that I was just arriving at St. Vincent's hospital via airplane. Two hours later my little tiny Kylee was born at a whopping 1 pound 10.5 ounces and 13.5 inches long! It was a stormy day and Kylee's dad had not been allowed to fly over with us. He made it just in time for her delivery. My mom made it about two hours later.

She was, and still is, simply my little miracle!

We love you Kylee! Happy Birthday!

The Saddest Eyes

2009-02-23T13:27:00.004-05:00

Since we have been home we have spent every weekend driving the hour to my mom's house. There are about a thousand reasons why. One is that she has our Roxy whom I miss like crazy and want to see as much as I possibly can. Another is that she is my Mom and the girls' "Nana" and we just love to be with her. We have also been helping Mom prepare for the sale of my Grandma's house and posessions. So, when we go we are very busy but also very blessed.

It seems utterly ridiculous to me that I can't get out of my mind the look of absolute betrayal on Roxy's face Saturday evening as we left to return to Butte. Mom had scooped her off the floor because it is impossible for me to walk out the door without Roxy glued to my heel. She refuses to be left! So, Saturday, after hugs and kisses all around, it was time to go home. Roxy just sat there in my mom's arms with the saddest and most worried look on her face. She knew I was leaving her - again. It absolutely broke my heart! It is like leaving behind a child every week.

I know that some people probably think I'm crazy to drive all that way just to see my dog, but I can't help it. She just helps me feel a little bit saner and brings some sort of balance and fullness to our life. She loves me without any reservation. She obeys better than my kids (usually). She is loyal in spite of being left every week. And the best part, as any mom can relate to, she doesn't talk back. Well, not usually anyway! And, the girls love her and she loves them. The first night we left her in Manhattan, Laynee realized that she wasn't in the car and was very nearly frantic in her search for her. She must have been sure that I lost her "Lou"! I calmed her by explaining that "Lou" (we call Roxy, Roxy Lou and Laynee can't say Roxy...) was at Nana's house. That seemed acceptable to her :~)

Anyway, I miss my dog even though I know she is being very well cared for and is in the company of all of her canine family. I can't wait to see her!

Walk Down Memory Lane

2009-02-11T15:07:00.004-05:00

I have been inspired by my brilliant cousin, Mindy, to "walk down memory lane" every Wednesday. I have enjoyed reading her stories about the boys and today's about a very exciting horse back ride with elk! Head on over and read it because I remember her telling this story when we were just kids and her eyes just lit up remembering it.

My walk down memory lane goes back just a few years to when Kylee was about 3 or 4. We had stayed at my parent's house the night before because they were out of town and we were dog sitting. It was mid-late October and for some reason where they lived the trees always died off late and theirs were still leafed out and green while everywhere else the colors had changed and leaves had fallen. This particular night we had a very heavy, very wet, very substantial snowfall. Since the trees were still in posession of ALL of their leaves, branches were breaking like crazy. First it was just the little ones, but as I sat listening, I could hear bigger and bigger branches just snapping and falling. Kylee was terrified of all the noise, certain that a tree was going to come through the window or roof and had a terrible time sleeping. Her fear was actually very legitimate though I tried to convince her otherwise. I too struggled to sleep that night, not in fear for our safety, but concerned about damage being done to the property. Not to mention that the noise was quite hard to tune out.

When we woke the next morning, all in one piece, I did a check of the ceiling and windows. Everything seemed to be intact! It was when I went outside that I realized how great the mess was. On top of the branch laying across the roof of my car, there were big branches lying everywhere in the drive way. I was wondering how in the world I was going to get out of there to go to work. Under the big branches was a blanket of small branches literally covering the ground. It was impossible to see even one piece of the gravel beneath. Leaving Kylee inside, I began moving the biggest obstacles out of my way. As I did so, I realized that the small branches covering the driveway were SIX inches deep in most places! At that point, I just prayed to make it out of the driveway without a punctured tire!

Finally, we were ready to leave for our day. I had succeeded in calming Kylee down enough to get her to the car. She was VERY worried that more "trees" would fall on us or the car. We made it to the road without a puncture! The roads looked snow packed but I knew that once we hit the interstate, it wouldn't be too big of a concern.

Now, I should probably go into this next part saying that Kylee was just beginning to notice and understand the significance of traffic lights. She knew that if we were stopped, in what seemed to her like the middle of the road, that the light must be red and that we would have to wait for it to turn green before we could continue on.

We got maybe, and I mean MAYBE, 5 miles down the interstate before we came to an absolute standstill. This is just very rare on any street, road, highway or freeway in Montana. I figured that there must have been a wreck due to the icy roads and that we would shortly be on our way. Wrong! After about 30 minutes of trying to entertain Kylee and keep my frustration at bay, I hear from the backseat, "Mommy, when is the light going to change?" It was all that I could do not to burst out laughing.

Finally traffic began moving about 15 minutes later and we reached our destination unscathed. What Kylee had so innocently asked just made my day. It completely turned my frustration into a smile. Aren't kids great?

I'm baaack

2009-02-08T17:52:00.002-05:00

Hello all! I am finally back in the blogging world. I just caught up on Mindy's blog from the last 2 weeks or so. I can't believe that it has been nearly a month since my last post. Holy cow!

Our move home was really great. The weather was good and the girls couldn't have behaved better. It was so awesome to see the beauty of Montana again. Honestly, there is nothing I have seen crossing the country twice that can compete with the glory of this state! Once we passed Billings and headed into the mountainous countryside, I was spellbound. I still can't stop looking at the gorgeous mountains that surround me. And seeing my mom again for the first time in almost six months?! That was totally cool! She and Kylee nearly needed to be pried apart they were so thrilled to see one another again.

Right now we are staying with my Aunt and Uncle. We are very blessed to have such great family that stands by us no matter what! Unfortunately, we are unable to have our little Roxy with us and we miss her fiercely. She is staying with my mom, though, so we are able to see her on weekends when we go over to Manhattan. I am helping Mom go through Gramms house so that she doesn't have to do it all by herself, so we will be there most weekends for a little while longer anyway. It is amazing all of the things I am finding out about my Gramms! She was quite a creative lady. She could even draw when the mood struck her. I had NO IDEA!

In the two weeks since we have been home, I have had 4 job interviews, 3 of which have ended in offers. I just interviewed with the hospital here on Friday and am hoping to receive an offer from them as well. That is where I would like the most to work. So, this week I will be checking into daycare and also housing around here. Wish me luck!

Remembering in Song

2009-01-13T09:52:00.002-05:00

I would like to take today to remember my Gramms with music. Music touches me deep in my soul and heals me like nothing else. At Gramms' funeral the background music will be handpicked by our family. Much of it will be worship music that she loved. When she was still well enough to go to church she would get so excited when "Shout to the Lord" was on the worship roster. At first I got to enjoy this with her by her side but eventually I became part of the worship team and would be so excited when we would sing it because I knew she would be so happy. The look of joy on her face was awesome!

One thing about Gramms that I will never forget was her deep and abiding love for Jesus. The woman rarely grumbled during her illness and when she did, she rebuked herself. Until her last moments here, she still believed in God for healing and a miracle. Well, she is healed now, she has flown home to be with her Jesus. When the angel standing by her side in her last moments told her gently, "Come to Jesus" I know she went as a child to Disney Land.

She is there now and what a reunion it must have been. Not only with Jesus, but with all those who have gone before her; her dad, her mom, her Aunt Fern, my grandpa Phil and my baby boy Spencer and so many more that I cannot begin to name. And while she knows that we all have our time left here on earth, I imagine that her heart does cry "I Wish You Were Here".

One of my all time favorite gospel songs is "I Can Only Imagine". For those of you who do not know the story of that song, it was written by Bart Millard of Mercy Me shortly after his father died. In his grief he was able to reach out to the One who wipes away our tears and write a WORSHIP song about his father's passing. The line "...will I dance for you Jesus..." makes me weep tears of absolute joy. I remember gatherings when I was a child when Gramms would get up and dance. Her illness robbed her of that joy but now in Heaven she CAN dance for and with Jesus. What a blessing!

Hope you all enjoy my "listen" down memory lane! Oh! And let's not forget the one song that she specifically asked to be played at her funeral, one that she danced a favorite routine to ... "Tea for Two".

Sometimes Somebody Else Says it Best

2009-01-12T08:51:00.002-05:00

Today I am grieving the loss of my Grandmother, one of the most amazing people I have ever known. My cousin, Mindy, wrote about her on her blog today and I think that I will just direct you all there. She captured her beautifully: Ladybug Farm

Although we are saddened, we are also singing praise, knowing that she will never struggle for one more breath and that she is in the presence of her Jesus. She will be greatly missed.

11 Days

2009-01-11T13:25:00.002-05:00

Well, here I am now, just counting down the days. Most of our things are still packed since we never made it as far as getting our own place, so what little packing there is can wait until the last few days. So, it seems that all there is for me to do, is to count the days.

I have been in touch with an elementary school for Kylee just a few blocks from where we will be living and know all that I will need to get her enrolled. Her current school has also been informed. She is bummed mostly that she will not get to see her classroom's baby chicks hatch. The first day back from Christmas break, "Mr. Andy" delivered 7 eggs to her classroom and told them all about egg fertilization and how to care for the eggs in the egg incubator. They are keeping a daily journal as well. Unfortunately for Kylee, we are moving a little less than a week before they hatch.

It seems that there is nothing really important to say. On top of preparing to move back, my family at home is going through the struggle of watching what appears to be my Grandma's last days. She has battled Emphysema for the last 10-11 years and has done it with such grace. We nearly lost her on her 72nd birthday, Halloween of 2007, but we were given the miracle of one more year with her. She has done remarkably well during this last year, but suddenly last Friday took a turn for the worse. Saturday, in her typical fashion, she seemed to rally, but today is far worse than she was even on Friday. My heart is heavy with the knowledge that I can't be there to say good-bye or to help carry the load. I wonder if she will hang on until I get home. I wonder if I will get home in time for the funeral if she doesn't, which seems the most likely scenario. I long to see her face one more time, to hold her hand, just to be in her presence. But, if it means that she would suffer just one minute longer for me to have just one last moment with her, I would gladly give that last moment up. It is my prayer and hope that she moves gently from this world to her home in Heaven and that she has no regrets for her life well lived.

Travel Details

2009-01-08T12:26:00.003-05:00

Okay, for those with inquiring minds, and so that I know that I have told you all and don't tell any one of you 26 times...

We are planning to leave Jacksonville, FL on Thursday, January 22. My Uncle is flying down from Montana to drive back with the girls and I. Honestly, I am super relieved about that. The trip itself doesn't worry me, it's the trip in the winter with possible crappy roads and a U-Haul trailer hooked to my car that worries me. So, I feel better knowing that we will be in Uncle's capable hands. He and Aunt lived in Seattle, WA for several years, so any big city driving that we have to do won't bother him in the slightest!

As far as where we are going to live? We will be in Butte, or the "little B" ;). I plan to finish my nursing degree at MT Tech. I should have my associates degree, a full blown RN, by spring 2010, but will stick it out for one more year to get that bachelors. I've been working too hard and too long to settle for the associates. I eventually want to get my masters and become a Nurse Practitioner. That will most likely wait 'til both girls are in the double digits!

I can't wait to be back home. Maybe you could all call in a few favors for me to keep the temp at LEAST above zero? :~) I mean, honestly, our "cold" day yesterday was in the sixty's and I didn't even have to wear a jacket. So...it's going to be a bummer to have to be all bundled again. But, on the bright side, it sounds like there is more snow than there has been in years and I can't wait to see how beautiful it is! I also can't wait to see those big pointy things off in the distance that look so amazing covered in snow...Oh Yes! Mountains!!!!

All that said, we WILL miss it here. The things we will miss are many and strangely vague. I can't even quite put down on paper - or computer, or whatever - what they are. It is deeper than "the weather" and the nearness of the ocean. I guess, in part, it is a sense of belonging and a feeling of home. There will be people I will miss greatly, not just M and T, but friends I have made through work. Kylee will miss her friends as well and Laynee will miss her "people" at daycare. We have been truly blessed to be here. Still...I can't WAIT to come HOME!

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig

2009-01-05T09:41:00.002-05:00

Yes, it's true. We are returning to home, sweet home. Montana. Freezing cold, snowier than in many years past, Montana. As it turns out, my uncle - who is flying down just to drive back with the girls and I - has to be back in Montana on January 27. For those of you whose bell doesn't ring when hearing that date, it is my birthday. I can think of no better way to spend it than at HOME!

Now, don't get me wrong. I have been drawn towards Florida since my first trip here almost 4 years ago. Since that very first time, it has also felt like home to me. It is so hard to love two places so much but only be able to live in one at a time! And though these 5 months in Florida have been filled with almost nothing but struggle, heartache, and many times a sense of being lost, I wouldn't have traded them for the WORLD. I still love it here and the knowledge that I am leaving is VERY bittersweet.

Here in Florida I have been able to nurture a friendship that means the world to me. My sister-in-law, "T", and I had pretty much an instant connection when we first met 3.5 years ago. We have continued to grow closer in spite of the 2300 miles that separated us. But being this close and spending every day with her has been a blessing that I cannot even begin to express. I will miss her more than anything else. (Well, except maybe the weather...lol) T is like a sister to me.

Of course, I will also miss my brother, M. Even with all of his rough, and I mean VERY rough, edges, he is absolutely wonderful. My girls think he hung the moon and stars and he never fails to be able to get them to smile or laugh even when they are most determined not to.

I have been struggling to figure out exactly what lessons I am to hold onto from this time in my life. I've been told that there have been changes in me and while that's great, I don't see them or even know what they are. Apparently they are positive changes, so I am thankful for that. However, as I am writing this post today, I am wondering if part of this journey was just God giving me one of the desires of my heart - the chance to live in and experience Florida. And, now that my "free" time is almost up, it is time to return home, finish school and prepare for whatever He has in store for us next. I have to be honest, I'm kind of excited (for the first time in my life) to NOT know what is around the next corner. For a control freak, that's a pretty big step! The best part though, is that I am free from fear in just letting God take over and lead the girls and I where He would have us go. One of the lessons I have learned these past few months I guess!

So, while I know that there will be those who will view this time of many, many, many changes in a very negative light and will question my "rightness" in "doing this" to my children, I also know that I can hold my head up high because I am a daughter of the Most High God and am following His will for my life. Apparently, it's just not always supposed to make sense to we silly little humans!

I also want to say thank you to all of you who have been praying for us through all of this. Certainly, it is those prayers that have seen us through. Please continue to pray as we plan a trip across the country in the MIDDLE OF THE WINTER! And for my sanity as I do one of the things that I like the least...packing!

Highlights from 2008

2009-01-02T10:01:00.006-05:00

Hello all and a Happy New Year! I was asked several times at work New Year's Eve day if I was ready for the new year. I replied that I was ready for anything new and still feel that way. I believe that this year is going to be awesome even as our nation faces some huge and frightening changes. I know that when Mr. Obama was elected president this last November, I was pretty emotional about the whole thing. I wondered what we (as a nation) had gotten ourselves into and felt a great deal of fear and uncertainty. However, as I began to process this great change by talking to friends and just thinking it out myself, I realized that God hasn't forgotten or forsaken us nor is he punishing us. He knew this would be the outcome before we even knew who Barack Obama, Senator from Illinios, was. I began to get excited and realized that with Obama's different ideas and desire for radical change, God could do some really amazing things in the next four years! So, please continue to pray with me this year for our leaders as we prepare to face a year frought with change and "firsts".

Okay, now that I have gone off on my unplanned little rabbit trail, here are some photo highlights from this last year. I thought that this would be a fun way to look back over 2008. Unfortunately, I don't have access to my photos from early in the year, but many of our adventures really took place late last summer and fall...Enjoy!

JustWe3 was so excited this April when Roxy had her first, and sadly last, litter of puppies. This here is Milly, short for Milagra which is Spanish for Miracle. She was the C-Section puppy that was born not breathing or moving. I got to assist with the surgery and part of my "job" was to take care of the puppy when it was born. So, I got to resuscitate Milly and now she is a very healthy happy little girl. What a great time those puppies were!

Summer, or late spring rather, came with my brother and sister-in-law, M and T, visiting MT. We visited Glacier National Park, where my Mom, a MT native had NEVER been before, and Yellowstone National Park as well. The above picture is myself, T, Mom, Laynee and Kylee at our cabin in Glacier.

M and T at McDonald Lodge in Glacier National Park. M hadn't been to Montana for 20+ years and this was a FIRST for T. She loved it and was thrilled to be able to see every type of weather MT has to offer.

This day started out sunny followed by wind and rain which turned into a full blown thunderstorm, complete with hail. As we headed deeper into Yellowstone National Park towards Old Faithful Geyser, the weather further disintegrated into sleet, ending in a mild snowstorm. T was fascinated by the snow and couldn't get enough pictures! This one is truly awesome, it looks like the majestic buffalo is wearing a crown of snow.

Princess Kylee and I. We had just walked down to get a closer look of a black bear and her 3 cubs. What a treat! Though I have been to Yellowstone more times than I can count, this was my FIRST wild bear sighting!

Here are two of my girls just waking up from a nap on our looooonnnnnggggg trip to FL.

Here is Kylee on that same trip.

Laynee lounging in the pool...now honestly, what better reason is there to move to FL?!

Kylee's first day of 2nd grade, new school, new state.

Lawnmower rides in the backyard.

Halloween, Laynee as always soooo cooperative when it comes to taking photos!

Laynee turned TWO years old and got her first "bike".

Kylee in her elf hat at her Christmas program.

One of my favorite pictures from our Christmas photo shoot OUTSIDE in December!

Wishing all of you a very happy 2009 filled with many blessings and adventures~
JustWe3

Finally, Christmas Pictures!

2009-01-01T14:07:00.004-05:00

Kylee in the kitchen (day before Christmas) helping me bake my favorite "Christmas" cookies, Russian Teacakes

Scoop up the dough, roll it in a ball then roll in powdered sugar

Christmas morning began at a fairly reasonable hour with both girls opening gifts

Kylee holding up her new nightgown from Nana with a bathrobe hanging limply in the other hand! Contrary to what the picture may show, she LOVES them both!

Laynee in her "ballerina" dress-up dress holding the Mega Blocks her Daddy sent...she hasn't stopped playing with them since!

Roxy in her bells eating her Christmas cookie and LOVIN' it!

So, in a house full of females and only one male, do you see anything wrong with this picture? Apparently, my brother - who actually knows at least a little about a lot of stuff - is the resident wiggery expert. He is seen here helping Kylee apply and brush her brand new Hannah Montana wig. He is also filling her in on the proper way to store and care for her wig!

Roxy, chillin' after all that Christmas work on Laynee's new cuddle bear, also from Daddy. Sissy was also the proud recipient of an identical bear. Both girls just love them. These bears have foux fleece lined pockets so that they can keep thier hands warm when cuddling with their bears. What a great idea!

Beach babies, beach babies, here on the sand

They were so thrilled with the holes they were digging and this one was the best yet, big enough for them both to stand and splash in! When I wasn't taking pictures of the girls, I was looking for some fun shells to use in beading. I have discovered that I can make some pretty fun jewelery with the shells I pick up and regular beads. I'm still working out a few little glitches...

Hope you enjoyed our Christmas photo gallery as much as we enjoyed our day. Check back tomorrow for a 2008 review in photos!

Christmas

2008-12-23T08:30:00.002-05:00

I have been thinking a lot about Christmas this year. Maybe it is because I have so little to give my girls and have been dealing with my feelings about that. Maybe it is because I am working retail this Holiday season and now I can see what Christmas has really become all about. Or, it could be that I am far from home in a place vastly different from where I grew up where Christmas is warm and there is ZERO chance that it will snow!

Probably it is all of these things combined. I can tell you, though, that I have become so sickened at the way people treat one another at Christmas. I was raised that Christmas was about the birth of our wonderful Lord Jesus and that it is a time for family. Don't get me wrong, we gave and received presents, too. One year I got a horse! That was AWESOME! But, you know the reason I remember that so clearly was because of the way she was given to me. My mom took the time to plan a surprise the night before Christmas. We had gone to church where Mom sang for the Christmas Eve service. When we got home, I carried her guitar into the house and when I got inside, she was already standing at the back door with the back door opened. When I walked out, there was Sally with a big red bow tied in her tail and a sign hanging from her back saying "Merry Christmas Heather!" It was awesome! I remember how excited Mom was by my excitement.

Well, as usual, I got off on a rabbit trail! I guess it just makes me sad to see how people can be so ugly to one another over stupid things. Things that will just break or be thrown under the bed before they can even be fully enjoyed. Things that will, in some cases, not even be "good enough" and will bring guilt and sadness to the giver. The only gift worthy of being given at Christmas, is the original Christmas gift, Jesus. And, if only people put as much worth in relationship and each other as He did, not only would Christmas be a happier time, but so would every day.

One night I had a mom come through my line who was grumbling about how much money she was spending on her son and she just couldn't believe she was spending so much, blah, blah, blah. Through the course of her checkout, I discovered that this child was her youngest and only 3 years old. She spent over $600 on him just that trip and from what she said, she still needed to pick up a few more things. I was just appalled! I am glad to say that I haven't seen that kind of extravagance again for just one child. Most people this year seem to get that there is a financial crisis going on. I hear some people talk about it like, oh well, we'll just spend what we have and figure it out from there. That too, is sad. It is just sad that we, American's who are living in a "Christian" country, have lost the true meaning of Christmas.

I know that I haven't rocked the world with my thoughts on Christmas and that what I see is nothing new. But, this year I am just hugely impacted and saddened by what I see. For Christmas this year, I got the girls just a few little things. On Christmas day, I plan for them to open their gifts and then we are going to go spend some time on the beach. After that we will probably just come home and spend some good, solid, quality time together over mugs of hot cocoa. My desire is to make THIS a tradition with my girls. A legacy of time well spent and memories made. Things that will not break or be thrown under the bed.

Merry Christmas to all and God bless you this Christmas and New Year!

2008-12-18T12:10:00.002-05:00

I have been dealing with a lot of difficult choices as of late. I feel that I have followed God in a direction that He called me and my family and now that we are here, nothing seems quite right. I have been struggling with that idea, wondering if that means that I didn't really follow God, maybe just my own desires. Then I reflect back to when I heard the calling (this is all about a move to FL, by the way) and Florida was the furthest thought from my mind. Now, I can believe that the enemy would take full advantage of my desperation for an answer at that time and knew that I would be very interested in coming to Florida. I won't say that was the case, but I am open to the possibility. I even prayed at that time that I was hearing from God and that it wasn't a trick of Satan. Okay...

So, here we are in Florida, staying with my brother and sister-in-law who have been more than gracious with us in their home. They are helping me with the girls when I am at work by picking them up from school/daycare, feeding them, putting them to bed, etc. All of the things that I find to be the most exhausting and taxing part of my day. I feel completely blessed by their kindness and generosity. However, it is becoming clearer and clearer that things cannot continue on this way. I know that they must be getting anxious to get their life back and, as much as I am grateful to have a place to rest my head, I am desperate for my own private place.

The problem with needing my own space and giving "M" and "T" back their lives is the financial aspect of it. None of us expected this transition to be THIS hard. I knew it would be difficult and it would take some time to get everything switched over and secured. I just had NO idea that nearly everything I put my hand to would crumble. I only recently got a job at WalMart - that is only officially a seasonal position - and only just got my second paycheck. With daycare and after school care (extended day), that takes the majority of what I make. (I realize that this is not a new or unique problem, nor is it new or unique to me.) To find a place that I can afford to rent has pretty much proven to be impossible. The waiting lists on subsidized homes are crazy long.

I have spent much time asking the question, did I make the wrong choice? Aren't things supposed to at least be a little easier when following God's lead? I mean, why would God call us to Florida and then just leave me hangin'? The whole point of coming was to stay in school for this year and keep on track for finishing up my degree. Well, I'm not IN school? What the Heck?!

So, then I start asking someone who is very wise (you know who you are!) some of these same questions. While I don't expect, or even want, her to have the answers, I know that she seems to have this knowledge and insight into God and His (very strange) ways. As we are talking and I am researching possibilities, I am starting to ask another question. Was I supposed to be out of school this year for a purpose? Is there something that I am to do or learn that couldn't be achieved while I was in school? Because, as I look into getting back in this spring, that door is closed all over too. I won't be getting back into school until fall. Bottom line.

This thought makes things just a little easier, even as I am starting to plan a probable trip BACK across the country to Montana. Oh! Just the word sends longing through every cell in my body. And, it isn't that I don't love Florida and want to stay. I just really miss home. But I digress! I was talking about how maybe, even though this all looks like failure, maybe it is a huge success. I'm not sure really what has happened to make it a success, but I am feeling less like I have failed. And trust me, I was feeling like a HUGE failure face not 2 days ago! Now, even though I am still just as clueless as ever, I am at peace. I have had no revelation of whether I am to go or stay or how to get there either way. I guess the best part of all of this struggle is that there is no easy answer. I say that because if there were an easy answer, as unsettled as I have been, I would have jumped on the easy boat just to get comfortable. Even if I was pretty sure it was the wrong answer. See, I'm a little dumb that way. Maybe that is part of what God is teaching me...

I'm pretty sure that another thing he is teaching me is HUMILITY. (Yeah, thanks Mindy for that confirmation) Oh how I cringe when I type that word! I always thought that in a lot of ways I was/am pretty humble. But, it has been many years since everything I have was provided by another human being (and that would have been my mom and I was still living at home and in high school!). It has broken me. Trust me when I say that it hurt like, well, like hell. Painful as it has been, and I'm sure will continue to be, I am grateful for it because through all of this I have been put in a position to get to know my Jesus more and to experience just the smallest part of what He went through here before he was slaughtered...by selfish, PRIDEFUL, greedy jerks, just like me. I am humbled and I am grateful.

May God's blessing be on you all this week as you prepare to celebrate His birth next week!

Oh yeah! To all of you at home...I'm going to work in capris today! Love you, mean it!

Christmas pictures

2008-12-17T10:46:00.004-05:00

Last Friday as the sun was preparing to set, I took over 70 photos of the girls hoping to get just one good one for a Christmas card. You will see that I got MANY good ones! Hope you enjoy sharing in our shoot!

Bath Day with Roxy

2008-12-17T08:52:00.004-05:00

Roxy Lou

Holy Smokes! It has been more than a week since I last blogged! I did get on and start a new post on Monday but then accidentally closed the window and just decided to try again later!

A lot has happened in the last 9 days. One thing I thought I would share with you was the day that Roxy got a very short hair cut. Naturally, the day after I cut her hair, it got cold here and she was freezing. Poor baby! But she was getting too long for me to keep groomed with all that I have going on so I clipped her. I even trimmed her face hair short because it gets so smelly so fast when it is long. It certainly has taken some getting used to seeing her with so little hair! But she is still my cute little Roxy. My brother says she looks like a little old lady...He's kind of right :~)

Now, we have a little routine around here when it comes to bathing. Usually I am nice to my clippers and clip her AFTER she's bathed, but this time I did it the other way around. Roxy always acts like the world is coming to an end DURING her baths. AFTER her bath is a totally different story. She loves it and it is so obvious that she feels GREAT! She loves to rub and roll around after I release her from the towel and prefers to do it on some sort of furniture. Since I'm not crazy about the idea of her shedding water all over the furniture, quite some time ago I decided that I would much rather have her on the floor doing it. Suffice to say that a towel is NOT an acceptable place to roll. She prefers my quilt, which is fine by me, she sleeps on my bed with me after all! So, I turn her loose, spread the blanket and she goes to town rubbing, rolling and shaking!

As I said, she was very cold for a few days and I think she was feeling a little violated to be so naked. But, the weather has warmed up a bit here - it got to about 80* here yesterday! - so Roxy has warmed up a good bit! Meanwhile, home in MT it has been -20*. That I DON'T miss! :~)
She has also adjusted to her new "do" and it is starting to grow out just a little bit. Hair or no hair, she is forever our Roxy and we love her!

Teeth and Music

2008-12-08T12:46:00.002-05:00

Already today I have been to the dentist and had a tooth pulled. SIGH! But, I know that once my mouth doesn't hurt anymore from the actual extraction, I will feel much better. And, the dentist also delivered some GREAT news. One tooth that another dentist was sure would need a root canal, might just need a filling. That would be wonderful, because root canals cost somewhere in the $2200 - $2500 range. The filling would be $140. I think I could actually manage that.

The tooth came out all in one piece and it was really cool to see. It looked just like an animated picture of a tooth, only this one wasn't dancing around and smiling! lol Of course, for those who are less into gross, bloody, bodily things, it probably wouldn't have been all that cool to see. Truth be told? I would probably have brought it home if they would have let me! Isn't that just sick?!

I was just visiting Mindy over at Ladybug Farm and she was talking about her passions. She invited others to comment on their passions as well. I confessed that I have become totally addicted to purses/bags and that I also love shoes. But, my biggest passion is most definitely music. The right melody can soothe my soul when it is hurting, perfect harmony boosts my spirits when I they are low, and a favorite CD adds just the right touch to even the most perfect day.

What I have discovered, is that I have put my passion on the back burner. And not just a little, like I don't listen or play as often as I used to, but A LOT. That makes me so sad. How much brighter would my days be and lighter would my burdens feel if I would just spend 30 minutes indulging in my passion? I desire to create music and am quite successful when I try. But, I have been refusing to give this beautiful art the time and dedication that it so deserves. I believe God has given me this amazing gift and talent and it seems such a shame not to be using it even if it is just for my own entertainment. And, at least He will be blessed by the noise I make!

So, I would like to invite all of you to indulge in your passions this week. Can't find 30 minutes? Fine! Take 10. But, I encourage you all to try it and let me know what it does for you. I intend to give it a shot and see how it improves my life. Good luck and have FUN!

Kylee's Christmas Program

2008-12-05T15:34:00.002-05:00

Well, as you can see, we have moved to a Christmas theme. I'm sure that I will regret it simply because I don't know how to keep all the buttons to the other blogs I follow as I change my template. But, since I don't have my own apartment/house to decorate, I figured I might as well decorate the one place that is MINE.

The Christmas program at Kylee's school was fun. It was outside and all the classes did fun things. The 3rd graders even had a group of kids that had learned to play the bells. I got a video of it and I am soooo glad that I did because not only was it cool, but it turned out to be pretty hilarious too! Kylee was very reserved and serious during the 2nd grade's performance, but that has become normal for her. And, just like last year, Laynee was desperate to be with her sister. I also got a video of her watching them set up for the bells which was absolutely great because she thought she was being really sneaky edging closer and closer. I couldn't resist the opportunity to get it on "film".

I still haven't figured out exactly how to get the videos to play right here on my blog, but will include the links to youtube. Enjoy everyone and have a good weekend!

Angels We Have Heard on High
Jingle Bell Rock

P.S. Guess I'm not going to get the 3rd graders playing their bells uploaded today...computer is being cranky.

Trial video

2008-12-05T11:42:00.002-05:00

Well, I am trying to figure out how to upload video to my blog. I have managed to get my video onto youtube and for now, I guess I will just have to include that link. I will be posting more video, or at least links to them on youtube, this afternoon of Kylee's Christmas program at school. So, check back later to see Kylee in her cute outfit! This is a video of Laynee's birthday and us singing happy birthday to her. Enjoy!

Happy Birthday

Thanksgiving Day

2008-12-01T11:44:00.003-05:00

Hello all! Thanksgiving here was fabulously quiet and relaxed! I got to hang with my girls and Trixy and I took turns preparing our dishes in the kitchen. I thought that really the best way to tell about our day would be to share photos with you. Our day started off with Laynee wearing Uncle Papa's boots...

As you can see, she has to hold them up just to keep them on!

WOAH!

Roxy also wanted in on the fun, but before you think, "Aw how cute, she's posing," don't be fooled...I was holding a toy as well as the camera!

She REALLY wants that toy!

And here is Kylee in her mangled hat!

See how big their muscles are?

I REALLY want to get dooown. (Laynee, by the way, ate maybe 6 bites of Thanksgiving dinner and you can see how she entertained herself while the rest of us ate!)

Don't those cheeks squish up great!?

Beautiful Kylee

Mikey, the girls and me

Nothin much to say

2008-11-24T11:25:00.002-05:00

I've been trying to come up with something to write about that might be even REMOTELY interesting today. However, I can't think of one single thing.

Wait! Yesterday at work I told a woman (nicely) that we couldn't take Canadian coins (really, who doesn't know that anymore? Anyway...) and she got totally ticked off, threw the coin down on my counter said, "what the f***, money is money" and proceeded to just be really ugly about it. Mostly I didn't say anything just acknowledged her frustration and she paid and went away. Thank goodness, everyone else yesterday was really nice!

Laynee finally told what her name is. Of course, I was at work and missed it, but I did get the full story. To bring you up to speed, up until yesterday whenever she was asked her name she would point at herself and say, "ME!" Really quite cute. Well, we have been trying to get her to say her actual name. Yesterday in the car, Brother (mine) asked her what her name was and she pointed to Kylee and said her name and it went on like that around the car. When she finally got to herself, she put her hand on her forehead (apparently she has some of her sister's drama!) and said, "Laynee!" We are all so proud that she finally knows who she is! LOL

Hope everyone is having a GREAT day today!

I've been Tagged!

2008-11-20T13:58:00.003-05:00

Well this should be fun! Mindy at Ladybug Farm (my cousin who rocks!) tagged me last week and unfortunately I was too busy to play. But, I am determined to play today before I go do the after school pick-up and head to work!

Here are the rules:

Share seven random or weird book facts about yourself.

Then tag 7 other people. Notify them that they have been tagged and sit back and enjoy reading random and weird stuff about about them =) Fun right!?

1. I like thrillers, books set in old times from our "old west" to prehistoric native America to the time when Rome was ruling the world, and WELL WRITTEN love stories.
2. I love to read books over and over...I used to have so many by Dean Koontz that I couldn't even remember if I HAD read them before...that's always fun!
3. I have recently discovered the joy in reading classic novels like, "Grapes of Wrath", "Northwest Passage", and currently, "The Robe". I never had to read any of the classics in high school which I think is okay because now I appreciate them.
4. I like BIG, long novels. I will read shorter ones if I have to, but only until I can get my hands on a BIG one!
5. I don't like reading hardbacks. They are too cumbersome. Give me a paperback any day!
6. If I am reading a really good book, I sometimes find myself dreading the end because I am so caught up in the story and characters that ending the book is like saying goodbye to a friend.
7. Most nights, the only way I can fall asleep is to read until I can't remember what I just read in the sentence before.

That was fun! Now I don't know of 7 other people to tag, so I will just tag a few of the blogs that I routinely follow.

Here are my choices:

Angie at Keep Believing who is a mother of two and wife to an amazing husband who is fighting brain cancer. Visit her to let her know we are all thinking of her.
"Texan Mama" at Who Put Me in Charge of These People? whose blog always makes me laugh
and
Heather and Tiffany at The Secret is in the Sauce whose blog I think brings women together and through whom I have found many GREAT blogs!

Have Fun! And to all of my non-bloggy friends out their, I would love to hear your 7 strange book facts on my comments page!

Santa

2008-11-20T13:44:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I was sitting checking emails and blogs. There was a picture on something that I was looking at of Santa. My oldest exclaimed, "Santa!" I acknowledged her excitement and kept reading. She never missed a beat before she says to me, "Santa isn't real, you know." "No?" I replied. "No, he's just some guy dressed up in a suit." Trying to stay casual, not knowing where this conversation was headed or what questions might assail me in the next few minutes, I say, "Who told you that?" Her response was classic Kylee. "No one, my brain just told me." I told her that she was very smart to have figured that out. When I looked at her she had a look that might have been part challenge, part question. I wasn't too sure what to make of it, so starting off on the easy path I ventured, "But it's still okay to pretend about Santa, don't you think?" Her whole face relaxed and she sat back on the bed and said, "Yep!" and that was the end of the conversation. Now, do you suppose that she knows the truth about the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny too?

Joy and Tears

2008-11-18T13:42:00.002-05:00

I debated about weather or not to post this topic today. There is someone out there who will be particularly touched and I tried to decide how I would feel reading this and feeling a particular way before even reading it. Whew! Did I just make any sense? I'm not entirely sure if I did! lol However, I'm sure that you out there who know me will actually understand what I just tried to convey! I pity you all :) Anyway, I have obviously decided to blog on this topic because it truly is heavy on my heart today.

Last week when Delaynee got her birthday package from Nana et al, Kylee was expecting a card to come at the same time. She was very sad that the card was not in the box. It turns out that Nana sent Kylee's card seperately so that she could open up her very own mail. (Nana rocks!) So, Kylee very patiently waited for her card from Nana to arrive.

And, arrive it did! I was the proud deliverer of that little envelope yesterday after school. It was waiting, in Kylee's seat, when I picked her up from school. (Now who rocks?) She was so cute, because even after I told her to watch out under her tushy, she still sat on it! Then she looked at it and inquired, "What IS it?" to which I replied (trying not to chuckle), "just look at it a second." From the little excited inhalation of breath, I knew she had figured it out. Then the ripping of the envelope began. Nana sent her a little troll that had formerly been an earring that Kylee had at some point attached a hair clip to (or something like that). Naturally, that was exciting and along with it came great speculation on Kylee's part. Clearly, she didn't remember this troll! Then I looked in the rearview, and noticed she was looking a little less than happy. I took me a second to figure out the look. Duh, Mom! Happy as she is to have received this little bit of heaven from her beloved Nana, she is also heart broken that she is having to receive these little bits of heaven from Nana via mail.

Now, here is where the guilt kicks in for me. I have always been acutely aware of the bond shared by Kylee and Nana, no one can deny its existence. And it's not just your run-of-the-mill child loves grandparent sort of bond. These two understand one another in a way I will honestly never get. I am so glad that Kylee has that. But, I figured, even though Kylee would miss Nana, surely by this time, the loss would seem less acute. I think I was wrong. And to what detriment to this beautiful relationship? If we were to move home during the girls' childhood, would Kylee and Nana still share that same bond or will that relationship be forever and profoundly changed? Did I miscalculate the enormous effect this would have on my oldest daughter?

I am feeling a bit lost on this subject and I'm wondering how to talk through this all with my little Kylee. She is so tender and has such a sweet heart. How do I make this transition easier for her to process? Is she still just adapting to life without seeing Nana weekly? Or is there something more going on that really needs to be addressed?

Happy Birthday...read second!

2008-11-17T10:57:00.003-05:00

Okay, so like I said last blog, opening presents is a very serious job...

Working hard to get "Emmo" (aka. Elmo) out of that envelope!

Hmmm...another movie

Sissy getting in on the action too

And saving the best for last. She was SOOOOOO excited!

Laynee was thrilled with her "bike"! It was a gift from Nana and Papa and Gigi. When I brought it out of hiding she squealed this very quiet excited squeal from the depths of her being! Then she was instantly on it and kept repeating...mine, mine, mine, mine. We decided to go for a little walk and she and Kylee rode their bikes, of course. Since Laynee can't reach the pedals on her bike, she just pushes along with her feet. That worked just great except that she kept riding over her feet. So she got off and pulled it instead!

Much faster and so much less work that running yourself over! LOL

All in all we had a really great time and enjoyed the afternoon. Happy Birthday Laynee!

"...happy birthday dear Laynee..."

2008-11-17T10:38:00.004-05:00

Yes, that's right! We had a birthday here at JustWe3 yesterday. My baby girl just turned two. She has left babyhood and entered toddlerhood. She is now a little girl. SIGH! Where does the time go? It seriously seems like I was just giving birth to her and hearing her little cry, the most beautiful sound I have EVER heard! Alas, no matter how hard I fight it, my baby (both of my babies!) is growing up. While I am going into it kicking and screaming, she is loving every minute of it!

Naturally, we had a little party yesterday. My girlfriend from Tallahassee came as well as the little girl from next door. And, like every good party, we had cake...

Here, she looks so sweet and innocent...Yeah right! Sweet, yes. Innocent, mmmm I'm not buying it!

I'm not sure that this is the proper way to remove cake from fingers, but don't try telling Laynee that!

Laynee also had lots of fun opening her presents. It is a very serious, job you know... And, one that I would love to share, but clearly I am too bloggy illiterate to get these darn pictures in the right order. So, I promise to add another blog with present pictures! Catch ya later!

You've GOT to be Kidding!

2008-11-14T10:06:00.004-05:00

You've GOT to be kidding!!!! This is what I am screaming in my head as I very calmly and methodically go through our FOURTH - yes, FOURTH - lice treatment in the span of 2 1/2 months. Poor Kylee, picks these gross little suckers up from some kid at school and now, no matter how frequently we have treated her, we can't get rid of them. This is what the little @&(^$%#$% look like:

I have become so frustrated with the situation that I have even spoken to the school principal about it. She is a very lovely woman and we talked at some length about lice. She said that last year there was a family that went through the same thing...couldn't get rid of the lice. The mom did some research and discovered that one company's main ingredient was Listerine. So, she bought bottles and bottles of Listerine and tried it and now swears by it as a treatment for lice. This morning, I was in the shower with Listerine running down my head and back! I don't actually think that I have lice, however whenever Kylee has another outbreak, I itch all over and am convinced that I have them, too.

Do you know how much work it takes to clean up after a lice outbreak? You have to wash all bedding and anything the child(ren) has slept with. You should shampoo the kiddos with lice killing shampoo and then use a VERY fine toothed comb to remove the nits (eggs) from the hair strands themselves to prevent hatching and reinfestation. Then you have to retreat within 10-14 days. They only recommend the shampoo, not the "de-nitting", thank goodness for us since Kylee has long, thick hair! The kit also comes with a spray that is supposed to be used on non-washable items like the beds themselves, certain toys (I'd rather wash them personally) and we have used it on the carpet as well.

Here is the real problem as described to us by the pharmacist during our first outbreak: Similar to bacteria and viruses that develop an immunity to antibiotics and antiviral medications, lice are now becoming de-sensitized to the traditional lice killing treatment. They call these little buggers "super lice."

The bottom line here is that they are gross and give me the creepy crawlies. I don't want them around! I feel bad for poor Kylee who has to deal with them on her head. I fear that our next option is to cut her hair, but how short and will it even do the trick? It would break her heart to lose her long, "princess" hair. So, if anyone has any proven lice killing treatments, I am definitely up for suggestions!

I'm off to do some research...

What to Write...

2008-11-13T17:13:00.002-05:00

Well, I know that I should blog today (just to keep my viewing audience happy...lol) but I just don't know what to blog about. I guess I could talk about my first two days at work.

Monday I went in for orientation. There were 7 of us there and what a great group of people! One is a young 19 year old mother of a 4 month old baby girl. Her husband is in the Navy and they might be expecting their 2nd baby! Another woman is closer to my age, 33 and has 2 children with the same age span as mine; a 7 year old son and 18 month old daughter. I thought that was kind of neat, not alot of us out there have a 5/6 year age gap in our kids! There are 2 19 year old men one of whom just released a gospel album with his aunt that should be in stores. I forget the name of it, but it was pretty creative. Another young man, 26 years old, just graduated from college in Virginia with a degree in youth ministries. He is applying for the youth position at his church and is on the worship team there as well. The last member of our group is a retired Navy pilot. He was in for 20 years and has been out just over 4. He is a very interesting man to talk to.

Orientation was actually fun! I have been to several orientations that claim to be fun, but this one was. It got everyone working as a team and taught us alot about our new employer. After lunch that day we started the computer testing which prepares us to go out onto the floor. It takes more than one day for sure! I finished yesterday and was able to spend about 30 minutes just shadowing another cashier. Saturday when I go in, I imagine I will shadow a little bit more and then will actually get to check out customers with my trainer's supervision. I think this job will be pretty fun. I just love interacting with and meeting new people.

Wish me luck!

Changes

2008-11-11T13:57:00.002-05:00

Wow! I know that I struggle with change and really like things to go EXACTLY the way I want them to go. I like to say who, what, when, why and how about my schedule, kids, etc. But, having a new job (WalMart, for those who are curious ;)) means that the daily routine is going to change. Oh, how I hate that! I fret about how Laynee is doing in her new daycare and how Kylee is going to do once I get her set up with extended day at school. I realize just how precious this time with them has been. I have basically had no demands on my time that would take me away from them. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the getting away and silence without children as much as anybody else - maybe even more than your average bear- but I have really been fighting it in my spirit, this leaving my children in the care of others.

However, Laynee did fabulous yesterday when I left her in a strange place with strangers in a strange city. She was excited when I got there to pick her up (10 LONG hours later) but not frantically dragging me to the door or demanding that I hold her so that she can keep track of my exact wherabouts. She was very calm about it, just like she had been going there her whole life. I'm so proud!

And Kylee...She has just blossomed and become such a confident little creature. The adults were talking about extended day and Kylee overheard and piped up (something I am STRONGLY discouraging...) about how her friend is in extended day. She was so excited about the prospect of getting even more play time with this friend. Again, I'm so proud!

So, yesterday as I dropped Laynee of and drove away, I was driving through a veil of tears, listening to Natalie Grant and trying to talk myself down before I went and wrecked my mascara, for Pete's sake! I got to work for orientation and it was a great group of people to spend the day with. A couple other moms and 4 men from 19 to I'm guessing 50ish. We all have our stories and I find it so exciting to learn about and share them with others. But, as 5:00 neared and my new boss was still struggling to get the schedules finished, I started to get that anxious feeling. I knew I had to cross the bridge and traffic on it can be at a stand-still during rush hour. When I did finally leave work and was driving to pick up Laynee, I was just so - what's the word- ANXIOUS to see her. And, I still hadn't seen Kylee since I had dropped her off at school that morning. As soon as I put Laynee in her car seat and drove away (um, for the second time 'cause I forgot her blankie the first time...) I felt just a little bit safer, like my world was almost back to normal. It wasn't until Laynee and I were walking to the front door, Laynee shouting, "Ky...Ky...Ky...," the whole way that I knew the day was over and my world was complete. Kylee was already at the table, having just started dinner so I was blessed to get to enjoy dinner with my girls and hear about Kylee's day at school.

Yes, my life is complicated. Yes, it sometimes feels like nothing I do is ever enough, that the time I spend with my girls is just not enough. But, the feeling of togetherness that I felt last night when I got home proved that complicated or not, perfect or not this is my life. And, I love it!

Oops!

2008-11-07T12:27:00.003-05:00

One of the biggest issues in our house is the touching of "my" stuff. Kylee is VERY concerned if Laynee even looks toward her things, let alone touches them and if she is playing with them...Oh Lordy! The world is definitely ending! Now, I understand that there are certain things that a child has that are more special than other things. I respect that Kylee has a few of these items. One is Felicity, her American Girl. There is NO WAY I would let Laynee even come near that doll when Kylee is not around and I stand behind Kylee's decision not to let Laynee as much as touch Felicity when she IS around. However, I think it is just ridiculous for me to spend my days fighting with Laynee over what she can and cannot touch when it is just a toy. So, I have decided that when Kylee is at school, Laynee may play with any of the toys (except of course the "special" ones) and when they are her sister's toys, I take care to see that she is more careful with them. Oh...I want to mention that even though Kylee believes that Laynee should not be allowed to even look at her toys without permission, it is absolutely okay for Kylee to play with any of Delaynee's toys whenever she wants. This is something we discuss frequently. Well, yesterday, Laynee had Kylee's pink, straw, cowGIRL hat and it ended up on the floor. I was busy and hadn't bothered to pick it up just that second because, honestly, it was just going to be right back there in 60 seconds anyway. Laynee came walking by in all of her grace, stumbled and fell right on the poor hat! I had to chuckle because as anyone who is familiar with straw hats knows, it was now very squished! I couldn't resist a picture of this hat that has been with Kylee for over 3 years now and has endured every insult from markers to the swimming pool and now, a baby butt! I'd say it actually doesn't look too bad considering, but maybe I need to be a LITTLE more vigilant...

Oops!

Fun and work

2008-11-06T09:47:00.003-05:00

For the last few days I have been having quite a good time. Tuesday morning I was running around after taking Kylee to school, dropping off apartment and job applications. I was listening to my new favorite radio station, Gator Country, and had tried to win tickets to see Sugarland here in Jacksonville this week. Of course, I couldn't get through. While I was waiting for one of the places to unlock their doors, I had another opportunity to call in and be a contestant on "battle of the sexes". I called and the first time it was busy. The second time I dialed, I got through...Oops! That wasn't supposed to happen! I got all nervous as the DJ is asking me all my demographic information...I was going up against a guy who had been winning for like a week or more! Long story short, I beat the guy. I was pretty excited! When you win "battle of the sexes", you get to keep playing til somebody beats you. So, they called yesterday and I played and won again! Hooray! This morning they called and everything was going really great. The category was coorporations and their associated coorporate color. I was on a roll. Of course, so was he, but I was feeling confident, knew my answers as well as his. Then, they asked me the color associated with Jack Daniels. I hesitated...I only had 5 seconds to answer and I just couldn't remember (don't really drink much and when I do I like Tequila...I think that's gold, right?). So, out of desperation, I answered "red". Well, black was the answer and my opponent's next question was the color associated with Coca Cola. How fair is that? EVERYONE knows what Coke's color is! lol So, I lost. But, it was fun while it lasted and I really enjoyed getting to know the 3 morning show hosts! They are great!

Also, I am now employed and very relieved to know that I can finally make a contribution to this household. Nothing wears on me worse than knowing that I have to depend on someone else to make ends meet. It's very disheartening for a woman who has been pretty much independent since 18! But, I also know that God is in control and He is guiding me on this wild journey called life. Better Him than me!

Patience, My Child

2008-11-04T11:37:00.003-05:00

Do you ever wonder what it might have really been like 100 years ago before all of our new and "wonderful" advancements? Before every phone call you made was answered by a computer, before we all expected our food to show up in the window the second we pulled our car forward? (Hopefully everyone can follow me here, because already I can feel my brain pulling me in several different directions! Good luck...)

The reason I ask is because I am sitting here fuming about the way things work and how it just shouldn't be so difficult to talk to a real person about a real problem without having to jump through every phone hoop ever invented. Trying to get settled in a new place that is WAY huger (i know that's not a word!) than where I came from has proven to be rather irritating for me. In Montana, when I had a question for someone that I had previously dealt with, I just called that person. Yes, I had to do the whole phone menu thing, but I got to talk to or leave a message for the person I needed to talk to. Here in Florida, when you call, you are lucky to be able to figure out which option you really want. Then, if you have indeed pressed the correct number, the information (given by a computer, of course) is at best unclear and at worst, terrifying. When you finally get ahold of a real person, they really have no answers for you either and you STILL need to contact the person that you originally dealt with but cannot leave a message for unless you go through all of the above! Whew! I'm wiped out just having tried to re-create that.

Which brings me a little further...Am I just acting like a spoiled rotten child, expecting to have something in what I consider to be a timely fasion? (In my defense, I sat very patiently on hold for 15 minutes before I even got to talk to a real person...and that was after receiving my worrisome automated information) Or, have we just been so conditioned to believe that we should get what we want right when we want it that waiting in line (cyber or physical) is just normal in today's world?

I think about sitting in line at a drive-through restaurant. I have noticed that usually if the wait in line between placing the order and touching the food is more than 2 minutes, people start getting really irritated. I understand that the concept of fast food is for it to be fast, but come on! If we have to wait for 5 minutes to get a hamburger (made just the way you like it), hot french fries and a cold drink, we are at LEAST 20 minutes ahead of a sit-down meal at a restaurant. 100 years ago we would have been dang lucky to get a meal like that no matter what!

What about the wait at the doctor's office? We grumble about 30 minutes, or on a really bad day an HOUR! But think about when there was only ONE doctor to cover a vastly spread out "neighborhood". If you were sick or bleeding from a horrific farm accident, you were usually waiting for the better part of a day for good ol' Doc. (Of course, all of this is just conjecture, since I didn't really live back then! lol)

I think that we have all become at least a little bit spoiled and I don't really like that thought. It goes against all of my "rights" to have what I want when I want it. It forces me to realize that my life isn't the only life happening right here, right now on this beautiful planet. And, as rough as things are right now, someone out there has it much worse than me. Sure takes the wind out of my sails...here I was all geared up for a fight about how I'd been wronged being forced to wait for answers. Seems to me that I have learned a very valuable lesson today...Patience!

Daily Grind

2008-11-03T16:40:00.002-05:00

Well, there is certainly nothing exciting going on here today. Pretty much same stuff, different day. When I sit back and think about it, though my daily grind really isn't boring.

I get up at 6:30 with the girls and get Kylee ready for school. Most days I am showering and getting ready for my day also, otherwise I don't get a shower until WAY too late in the day! During my shower, Kylee is getting dressed and brushing her hair in our bedroom while Laynee is safely locked away in her crib. We usually have the portable DVD player going with some Barbie movie to minimize the amount of fighting. Then we have the getting ready to get out the door routine. "Kylee get shoes and socks on, is your backpack ready?" "Laynee, COME HERE and get your shoes on. Leave Kylee alone!" "Kylee come here, we still haven't done your hair yet."

Then the comparatively peaceful drive to school. With the radio on the girls are usually happily listening to the music or whatever else is going on. We rarely have too many squabbles during this time!

When we get to school, I pull up in front and Kylee unhooks, kisses and hugs me, does the same for her sister and I tell her to have a good day, "I love you!" Then it is just me and Laynee.

At home, I spend time checking email, checking out Laynee's suspicious silences and trying to keep her occupied. At around 11:00 she is hungry and ready for lunch and so am I because lunch means nap time is very near! After lunch she goes down for her nap and I am left to the relative quiet of the house. Depending on how much I got done while Laynee was up, I do some more job and apartment hunting, check my favorite blogs and email and then sit down and watch some TV. That is, if there isn't a bunch of housework to do!

By 2:30 it is time to pick up Kylee from school so I get Laynee's shoes back on, grab her a snack if she is just getting up and off we go again! At school we wait in line until Kylee is released to come to the car and then I ask her about her day. Some days I get to hear all about it. Most days she just keeps it pretty much a secret. If pushed she will say to me, "the same as always," rather sarcastically. So, I have decided that if she wants to tell me, she will, if not, it's no big deal.

Back at home Kylee has a snack before starting homework. Laynee is so glad to see Kylee that she usually has to have a snack too just so she can sit at the table with her big sister. After snack, Kylee retires to the office and shuts the door to do her homework. On a lucky day, Laynee does not repeatedly open the door to keep bugging poor Kylee. Most days, Kylee just plugs away at her homework all by herself and is finished within an hour.

This is when it gets really wild! Laynee is sooooooooooo excited that "Sissy" finally gets to play with her and sometimes they are so noisy together that I can barely even hear myself think. They race madly through the house, scream and yell, then fight a little. Then they fight some more and when I intervene there is even more crying and whining. But, in just seconds they are back playing and having a great time. This often involves dancing, singing, and Laynee riding Kylee like a horse.

I am once again looking forward to meal time because that means the end is in sight and the night is going to get quieter. After dinner, Laynee has a bath and gets ready for bed. Kylee has a shower and gets ready for bed. Depending on the hour, they do some more playing with each other and Aunt "Mimi" and Uncle "Papa". When it is time for bed, I carry Laynee to her crib after she has hugged and kissed everyone, even some of the dogs! Then we have our little bedtime prayer and our own hugs and kisses. Afterwards, I go to Kylee's bed and we read a story after which we say our prayers and have hugs and kisses. I think bedtime might be the best time of day with all those hugs and kisses going around!

A couple of hours later, it is time for me to go to bed and I am ready! After about 7 hours, it all starts again...

Redneck...

2008-11-02T10:02:00.001-05:00

My brother always talks about so-and-so being a "brain-dead redneck" or how my neice's ex-husband is a "brain-dead redneck". This is obviously not a good thing to be. However, it must be okay to be just a plain old redneck. Check out the ride he took my girls on yesterday...

20 year old Snapper with wheelbarrow hitched on back.

Having a good time!

Telling me something very important about all of this.

See my family...

2008-10-31T13:16:00.000-04:00

Bobbing 4 apples in smoky yard.

So proud of her apple!

Well, I am practicing some more with my new blog. Now I am going to see how posting pictures goes. Last weekend we had a Halloween party for my oldest daughter and got some really fun pictures. I also thought it would be fun to post some pictures of our move from MT to FL. I'll have to swipe my brother's camera so that everyone can see just how loaded down my car and U-Haul trailer were. Brother sure had to get creative! Enjoy the pictures everyone.

Let's Get Started!

2008-10-31T09:32:00.000-04:00

Well, here we go! I am rather excited to begin blogging. Yesterday, as I was trying to set up my blog and get a template that I liked downloaded I was soooooo frustrated! I was on the phone with my cousin (who I honestly think is a computer genius in her own right) seeking assistance. I'm sure that I sounded like a child in the middle of a temper tantrum because she couldn't get what she wanted when she wanted it. (And I get frustrated when my girls get like that? Wonder where they get it!) I told her that I thought this was just stupid and it sucks. Well, thank the Lord, I have a much better attitude this morning and none of you will be subjected to my tantrum!

To all of my friends and family, check back on a regular basis because I will be adding pictures of the girls at least weekly. I am hoping that this becomes a fun and easy way for us all to keep in touch. For you blogging beginners (like me) at the bottom of each post is a link for comments and I would LOVE to hear from you and see what you think.

To everyone else who I hope will visit, welcome to my life! Hope you will find something here that you enjoy and will continue to visit.

I just went out to the living room to see what all the quiet was about and found my youngest sitting on my brother's Basset Hound, Gracie. Thank goodness she was laying down! Laynee is really quite sure that Gracie is meant for her riding purposes and we have had to really watch her to make sure she doesn't hurt Gracie's back. Wish my camera had been in my hands, though cause really that was too cute!